Consists Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."
    Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
    Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
    Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
    Company softball team downsized to chess team.
    Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
    Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
    Company president now driving a Hyundai.
    Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
    Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.
    Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
    Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
    Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
    Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
    Company dental more...

    When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
    Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
    Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
    Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
    Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On more...

    A jury consists of 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

    Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.

    Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.
    Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.
    Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.
    Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said "Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it."
    This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should more...

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