Colon Jokes

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    The colonoscopy

    Hot 1 year ago

    This is a true story, as my mother is the subject.
    For the uninitiated, a colonscopy is a medical procedure, performed by a surgeon, in which the inside of your colon is examined. The patient, mildly sedated, lies on their stomach and the surgeon uses an instrument inserted through the patient's rectum to "probe" the colon. My uncle being the unfortunate victim of colon cancer, my mother must now have a yearly colonsocopy.
    Three years ago, when she went for the first one, she was lying on the table in the operating room, somewhat high from intravenous valium. Her surgeon was a very nice, young, very quiet fellow.
    As he appraoched her from the rear, probing instrument in hand, my mother turned her head back around, looked him straight in the eye, and asked, "Does your mother know what you do for a living?"

    This is a true story, as my mother is the subject.
    For the uninitiated, a colonscopy is a medical procedure, performed by a surgeon, in which the inside of your colon is examined. The patient, mildly sedated, lies on their stomach and the surgeon uses an instrument inserted through the patient's rectum to "probe" the colon.
    My uncle being the unfortunate victim of colon cancer, my mother must now have a yearly colonsocopy.
    Three years ago, when she went for the first one, she was lying on the table in the operating room, somewhat high from intravenous valium. Her surgeon was a very nice, young, very quiet fellow.
    As he appraoched her from the rear, probing instrument in hand, my mother turned her head back around, looked him straight in the eye, and asked, "Does your mother know what you do for a living?"

    I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastro-enteritis specialist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote,' HE'S GOING TO STICK A 17, 000 FEET LONG TUBE UP YOUR BEHIND!'*
    I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called' MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of our enemies.
    I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my more...

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