Cabin Jokes / Recent Jokes

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. There may be 50 ways to leave more...

Last summer, I took my wife camping for the first time. At every
opportunity, I passed along outdoor-survival lore.

One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. I tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, I spotted a small cabin off in the distance.

I pulled out my binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our campsite.

"That was terrific," she said. "How did you do it?"

"Simple," I replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite
dishes point south."

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane...""Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.""We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.""Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign more...

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Whoturned on the fucking lights!""Oh, no sir," the nearest flight attendant replied. "Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the' fucking lights.'"

there were three men who had to find a cabin to sleep in for the night because they were out in the snow. they found a cabin and got ready for bed. before they went to bed they all said to each other "in the morning we will tell each other our dreams" and they all fell asleep. the next morning they all woke up. the first guy said"i had a dream someone was pulling my dick". the second guy came up and said "i had a dream someone was pulling my dick". the third guy came up and said i had a dream i was milking cows.

Sign seen in Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

There was some mix-up with a womans room. Theclerk (or whatever they are called on ships) wastrying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would youlike an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" Shereplied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. Id better get an inside cabin."