Asylum Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far. His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside. He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

AGRA is famous for its Taj and also for its mental asylum in vernacular. Mr Girdhari Lai, before his retirement, went to Agra to see the Taj along with his family, on leave fare concession. When he joined his office after the leave, one of his friends, Mr Mange Ram, asked him,' Agra say ho aye jee?' (Have you been to Agra?)
When Girdhari Lai replied in the affirmative, Mange Ram, knowing very well that Girdhari Lai had gone there to see the Taj, quipped,' Key kahende nein?' (What did the doctors at the mental asylum say?)
Everybody listening started laughing. But Girdhari Lai silenced Mange Ram by retorting,' Oh kahende nein kee mareez noo naal ley key aoo. Das kadan chalney?' (They told me to bring the patient along with me. Tell me when you want to accompany me to Agra for a check-up.)

One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I'm a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I'm trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don't I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You'll have some customers and my patients will have a night out."
Well, the publican isn't sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees.
So, the following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics.
He says to the publican, "They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I'll settle up at closing time."
The barman more...