Motorist Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Penquins on Tour

    Hot 5 years ago

    A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says "fill it up, please". The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are
    occupied by penguins.
    "Hey Buddy" says the attendant to the driver, "These birds can't be happy like this...they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo
    or something.."
    The motorist agrees to do so.
    The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels...
    "What's this?" he says to the driver, "I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?"
    The driver says "I did...and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach."

    Who's Nuts?

    Hot 4 years ago

    A motorist gets a flat tire and pulls over to the side of the road, where he proceeds to change over to the spare. Whilst removing the wheel, he drops the wheel nuts down the gutter drain. He has a fit and starts shouting obscenities.
    Just off the roadway, another guy puts his head to a steel fence and calls out to the motorist, "What's up with you?"
    The motorist tells him and the guy behind the fence says, "No problem. Just remove one nut from each of the other wheels and that should get you to the service station at the next town. Just be sure to drive slowly."
    The motorist exclaims, "That's a brilliant idea!"
    Just then, he notices a sign above the steel grilled fence which reads, "Happy Valley Funny Farm." "How come you can come up with such a great idea," he says to the guy behind the fence, "yet you're in the looney bin?"
    To which the inmate replies, "I may be mad, but I'm not stupid!"

    Paying in advance

    Hot 3 years ago

    A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
    "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
    The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
    "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

    Paying in advance

    Hot 3 years ago

    A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
    “Oh, about $200 today, ” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out. ”
    The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
    “Here, ” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now. ”

    A blonde female police officer stops a blonde female for speeding and says, "You were going pretty fast. I am going to have to ask to see your license."
    The blonde motorist digs through her purse and then looks up at the officer, and says, "Can you tell me what it looks like?"
    The officer replies, "It's rectangular and has your picture on it."
    The blonde motorist digs through her purse some more and finds a small rectangular makeup mirror, looks at it and then hands it to the officer.
    The officer looks at the mirror for a moment and says, "You can go. I didn't know you were a cop. "

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