"Arkansas Scholars" joke

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and

Teacher: Why are you late to school?
Kevin: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Kevin: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson; "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can more...

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While I was watching a basketball game on TV last weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation, I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine more...

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Teacher to naughtiest boy in class: " Tell me; Ramu; why is the globe
flattened only at the Poles and not anywhere else? "

Ramu to the teacher: "I swear miss; I didn' t do anything. The globe was in the same Condition last year! "

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Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think at least one of them would've seen it.

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