Mean Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A priest had a small flock of chickens, but the prize rooster went missing, and he didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon next Sunday he queried:
    "Has anybody got a cock?"
    All the men stood up.
    "No, no, I mean has anybody seen a cock?"
    All the women stood up.
    "No, no, I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
    All the nuns stood up!

    Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At least they're finally together."A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"The priest says, "I mean her legs."

    As a devout Catholic, Maria doesn't use condoms with her husband. So over the
    years, they have had 17 children. After the husband died, Maria remarried and
    had another 22 kids with her second husband before he too dies. Eventually,
    Maria's time also came.
    At her wake, the priest looked tenderly at Maria lying in her coffin. Then, he
    looked up into the heavens and said, "At last... they are finally together."
    A man standing next to the priest looked confused and asked, "Father, what do
    you mean? Do you mean Maria and her first husband? Or her second husband?"
    Says the priest: "I mean her legs."

    it was the night before thanksgiving
    and tara was in bed when she heard her parents call each other bitches and basterds.
    so she went to their room and asked her dad
    "dad whats a bitch?" and her dad said"its what all women are." then she went to her mom and asked "mom whats a basterd?"and her mom replied "its what all men are." then tara went back to bed. the next day was thanksgiving and tara and her parents were at the market when her dad put down some condoms "daddy what are condoms?" and her dad said "its what all men have." then tara went to her mom and saw her with a box of tampons and asked her mom "what are tampons?"and her mom said"its what all women have." now there back at home and there waiting for their family to come over .so tara went to see what her dad is she went to the bathroom and saw her dad shaving when he cut himself and yelled "SHIT!" so tara asked her more...

    Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

    "What happened to you feet?" his wife asked.
    "I had a childhood disease called tolio."

    "Don't you mean polio?"
    "No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

    He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

    "What happened to your knees?" she asked.
    "Well, I also had kneesles."

    "Don't you mean measles?"
    "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

    When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said...
    "Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

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