"Gullible cop" joke
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the vehicle?
Driver: It's not my vehicle. I stole it.
Cop: Are you telling me this is a stolen car?
Driver: That's right. Mind you, now that I think of it, I believe I did see the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Cop: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yep. I put it there after I shot and killed the whoman who owns this car. Then I stuffed her in the trunk.
Cop: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
When the cop heard this, he immediately called his captain. Within minutes, the car was surrounded by police and the captain approached the driver so he could handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, may I see your driver's license?
Driver: Certainly. Here it is. (It was a valid license.)
Captain: Sir, who owns this car?
Driver: I do, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car.)
Captain: Sir, slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it.
Driver: Yes, sir, but there isn't a gun in it. (There was nothing in the glove box.)
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I've been informed you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem, officer. (The trunk is opened and there is no body.)
Captain: Sir, I don't understand any of this. The officer who pulled you over said you told him you did not have a license, you had stolen the car, you had a gun in the glove box and there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: And I'll bet the lying son of a bitch told you I was speeding too!
Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine. "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that shit tends to stick to your fur?"
"Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
"Great!" says the bear, and wipes more...
There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.
The first bee said, " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked, for a couple of miles that is until they more...
There was this man who had a dog which he was attempting to train, but alas had very little success. He was on the verge of despair when he happened across a very charismatic evangelist. He unburdened his soul to him, and he promptly informed him to leave the dog with him, and more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...