Top Rated Jokes

To all those Freshman note takers out there....here's an example of good
note taking :-)...
How to Take Notes
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Probably the greatest quality
of the poetry of John Milton, who
was born in 1608, is the combination
of beauty and power. Few have
excelled him in the use of the
English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
'Paradise Lost' being said to be
the greatest single poem ever
written."
YOU WRITE:
John Milton-born 1608
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"When Lafayette first came to
this country, he discovered
America. The Americans needed his
help if their cause was to survive,
and this he promptly supplied them."
YOU WRITE:
Lafayette discovered America
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Current historians have come to
doubt the complete advantageousness
of some of Roosevelt's policies"
YOU more...

There are three men a english falla,irish falla and a maori falla. there is a slide next to them, the genie says''ok when u slide down ths u can make a wish. So the english went first and said,''i wish for lots of Chocolate so he landed on a pile of chocolate and grabbed it and took it home with him. Then it was the irish's turn and he said,'' i wish for lots of gold so he landed on a pile of gold and grabbed it and ran home. Then the maori falla went on and he slipped and said,''i wish for OH SHIT!!

Early one morning, a man noticed his son leaving the house with a bundle of chicken wire. "Where are you off to, son?" asked the father.
"I'm off to catch some chickens," the son answered.
"You can't catch chickens with chicken wire, son," the father said, chuckling.
"Yes I can," insisted the son, as he continued on his way. Sure enough, later in the day, the son returned home with some chickens.
The next morning, the son was leaving the house early again, this time with some duct tape.
"Where are you off to, son?" the father inquired.
"I'm off to catch some ducks," replied the son.
"Son, you can't catch ducks with duct tape," yelled the father.
"Yes I can," argued the son, as he took off down the road. Later in the day, much to the father's surprise, the son returned home carrying a couple of ducks under his arms.
The following morning, the father saw his son leaving more...

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full, so I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm more...

What is the difference between a faggot and a refridgerator?
The fridge dont fart when you pull the meat out.

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Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart.
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Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time
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Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains
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Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet
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The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent
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To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe
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Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures
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The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'
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Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of the day
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The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night
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40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals
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Without any greenhouse effect, Earth would be cold more...

Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It’s the best fishing I've seen since I was a boy." Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don't rent the same boat next time."