A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
A lovely woman decided to visit a penthouse restaurant. So she rode the elevator to the top floor of the building. She had a drink at the bar and then decided to get some fresh air, so she walked out on the balcony. She got too close to the railing and fell over the side.
As she was falling about thirteen floors, a man was standing on the balcony below. He reached out his arms and engulfed her, pulling her to his chest. He asked, "Do you f***?" She answered, of course not. I'm not a slut!" The man opened his arms and said, "Sorry."
As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony, and he reached out, grabbed her in his arms, pulled her to his chest and asked, "Do you suck?" She answered, "Of course not. what kind of a girl do you think I am?" The man opened his arms, and said, "Sorry."
As she had fallen another thirteen floors, another man was standing on a balcony. He reached out, more...
China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All of the Chinese people cheered. Then, the leader of New Zealand steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to the green grass of New Zealand!" Everyone from New Zealand now cheered. Then the Prince of New England steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to my mom the Queen of New England!" So everyone from New England cheered. Then finally a drunk Samoan from Samoa was about to toast but his leader tried to stop him but he couldn't so the drunk Samoan says, "(I want to make a toast to the Bull of Samoa.". Everyone freezes and they say "The Bull of Samoa... What is that?" Then he says, "Yeah the Bull of Samoa - The Bull of Samoa jumps over the Great Wall of more...
Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!"
Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts: animals, clowns, contortionists, etc. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There in the middle of the ring is a table with three walnuts on it. In comes a little old Jewish man, five feet tall and barely able to walk to the table. He unzips his pants, whips out his long shlong, and proceeds to smash all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in thunderous applause as the elderly Goldstein is carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.
Twenty years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein."
He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket and sits through various acts. Finally, the more...
Maori falla " Me miss!?"
English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute Miss?"
English Teacher " Well done. Now how many seconds are there in one hour?" Whole class raises hands again.
Maori falla " errrrrr .... ummmmm .... six!! carry the ...errrrrrr ... put the zero....... errrrrr..... ummmmmmm!!!.....how many seconds!!?...
English Teacher " Well!?"
Maori falla " Nearly had it Miss!? ummmmmmm .....hmmmmm.. errrrrrrr ..... Got it Miss!!!! 3600 seconds Miss! 3600 seconds in one hour?"
English Teacher "Very good, well done. Now i will give you a minute or two to answer this last question just do your best ok!?"
Maori fallla " Very good Miss?"
English Teacher " Ok! How many seconds are more...
The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. So she asks him to please step up to the front of the class and recite his sentence. So the Samoan boy went up to the front of the class and said, "The phone went green green green. I pink up the phone and say yellow"!