Thumb Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
    Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
    The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
    "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
    But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
    She then asked him, "How more...

    I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
    I honestly answered, "No."
    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
    "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
    Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
    "Well, come on", she more...

    Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were walking down the street one day."I wonder if I'm still the most beautiful woman in all the land" said Snow White.
    "I wonder if I'm still the shortest man in all the land" said Tom Thumb.
    "I wonder if I'm still the ugliest man in all the land" said Quasimodo.So the three decided to go and visit the magic mirror who would tell them if they still held their titles.Each went in alone to consult the mirror and came out to tell the others what they had found out."Yes, I'm still the most beautiful in all the land" said Snow White."Yes, I'm still the shortest in all the land" said Tom Thumb."Who the hell is Camilla Parker-Bowles?" said Quasimodo.

    A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh. .. I know what you've been doing."

    A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of money on bar. He asks the bartender what it is for, the bartender tells him about the pub challenge. The man asks what he has to do and the bartender says "
    Well, firstly you have to cut your thumb with a rusty knife, then you have to pull a tooth out of the angry dog in the back, lastly you have to have sex with that old woman in the corner."
    The man decides not to do it and so continues drinking. After a few drinks he decides he will try the challenge and so he puts the money in the jar. He walks over to the rusty knife and cuts his thumb. He walks out to the back to do the next part. The people in the bar hear him screaming and the dog barking. After a few minutes he returns with blood all over his shirt and says "
    So where's this old woman I have to pull the tooth out of then?"

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