Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a
man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no
thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of
thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and
thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the
U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can
hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who
walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now
get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of
eleven: $6,400
The more...

# 31 Canola oil is actually rapeseed oil but the name was changed in Canada for marketing reasons.
# 32 The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
# 33 The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb
# 34 1 in 2000 babies are born with a tooth that is already visible.
# 35 The straw was probably invented by Egyptian brewers to taste in-process beer without removing the fermenting ingredients which floated on the top.
# 36 The New York Stock Exchange started out as a coffee house.
# 37 Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down hence the expression "to get fired."
# 38 In Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same.
# 39 It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.
# more...

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan
"I have had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.
"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as more...

The Great Debate
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan "I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping more...

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, "Don't you dare use that kind of language in here." "William Shakespeare did," replied Ben. "Well, you'd better stop going around with him," said Mom.