Sheep Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There are three guys walking together along the Welsh/English border...a Welshman, a Scot, and an Englishman. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out,' I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes.'

    To this, the Scot says' I am a sheep herder. My dad's a sheep herder, his dad was a sheep herder, and my son will be one too. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms'...' FOOM!' all the land in Scotland was full of an infinite supply of sheep farms.

    The Englishman was amazed. He said' I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out'...' FOOM!!' there was a wall around England.

    The Welshman says' Tell me more about this wall.'

    The genie says' Well, its about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.'

    After a moment of consideration, the Welshman says' Fill it with water.'

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
    The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
    The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
    "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

    Two pollocks were walking in the woods when they came across a sheep with it's head stuck in a fence.
    The one pulls down his pants & does the sheep.
    Then he turns to his buddy and said, "Ok it's your turn."
    So his buddy sticks his head in the fence.

    What is a cow's favorite TV show? Dr Moo! Why was the farmer hopping mad? Because someone had trodden on his corn! What would happen if bulls could fly? You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up! What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud? A sheep that's under the weather! Why do cows like being told jokes? Because they like being amoosed! What goes' peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons! What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig? A groundhog! How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance! What do you call a joke book for chickens? A yolk book!

    A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep.
    The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man.
    A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup.
    The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?"
    The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"

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