Flock Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie leaned out of the window and asked our shepherd: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"
    The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure!"
    The yuppie parks the car, whips out his notebook, connects it to a cell-phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, opens up a database and some 60 Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. Finally he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turns round to our shepherd and says: "You have here exactly 1586 sheep!"
    "This is correct. As agreed, you can take one of the sheep," says the more...

    The bitter winter was almost over when one shepherd confessed to the other that he could hardly wait until it was time to shear their flock. The other shepherd nodded, rubbing his hands togather in anticipation.
    "It will be great selling the wool and spending money on wine and women, eh?"
    "That's not it," his friend said. "I just can't WAIT to see them naked!"

    Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair. She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep." The farmer says "OK". The brunette says "485". The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back". the brunette says "OK". The farmer says "blonde". The brunette says how did you know. The farmer says you just picked the dog.

    There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

    With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.

    "That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

    "Well, thank you," said the herder.

    "Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.

    "Okay," replied the herder.

    "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.


    So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

    "Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...

    The good doctor had been an inspiration to the jungle natives. He had cured their sick and taught them the religious and moral values of his own England. He was loved and respected by every native in the village, but on this particular afternoon the chief was obviously troubled as he entered the doctor's hut.
    "You live among my people long time now," said the chief. "You tell us not right for man and girl to be close together before marriage and we believe what you say. This morning white child born to woman in village. You only white man in jungle. What I tell my people?"
    The doctor smiled and led the chief to a window. "My son," he said, "I won't attempt to give you a full scientific explanation for the phenomenon known as an albino. But look at the flock of sheep upon that hill. Every one is snow white except one. The white baby born to the woman in your village means nothing more or less than that one black sheep in the white flock. It more...

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