Herd Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Cowboy's Guide to Life
    Never squat with yer spurs on.
    There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
    Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
    If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
    After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
    He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
    The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
    If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
    Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
    It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
    Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
    Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
    Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
    Always drink upstream from the herd.
    Never drop more...

    A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker braincells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

    What do you call a herd of white people?
    Avalanche
    What do you call a herd of black people?
    Mudslide
    What do you call a herd of mexicans?
    Jailbreak!

    "Well ya see, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

    There was a blonde named Candi. She had long, blonde hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blonde jokes. So one day, she decided to get a makeover, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible.

    With her new car, she went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepherd over.

    "That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

    "Well, thank you," said the herder.

    "Tell you what... I have a proposition for you," said the woman.

    "Okay," replied the herder.

    "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman.

    "Sure."

    So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382."

    "Wow!" said the herder, "That's amazing. You're exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep more...

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