Brain Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that.

    An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research. ''How much is this one?'' he asked. ''Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,'' he explained. ''How much is that one?'' he asked ''Well that one is a female brain and its $100.'' he explained.''And how much is that one?'' he asked. ''That one is a male's brain and it is $500'' he explained. ''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked. ''Well it has hardly been used!''

    Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
    Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
    "Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
    "That's more...

    A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.
    His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce.
    The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?"
    The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

    1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
    2. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
    3. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
    4. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
    5. Forgot to pay his brain bill.
    6. A few clowns short of a circus.
    7. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
    8. Too much yardage between the goal posts.
    9. A few beers short of a six-pack.
    10. Dumber than a box of hair.
    11. A few peas short of a casserole.
    12. One taco short of a combination plate.
    13. All foam, no beer.
    14. The cheese slid off his cracker.
    15. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
    16. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt. 2
    17. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. 18. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
    19. As smart as bait.
    20. His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
    21. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
    22. Surfing in Nebraska.
    22. In more...

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