"Mirthy Facts" joke

The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
[Another quarter inch doesn't impress most women.]
A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.
[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]
The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
[That same year men began asking, "Put that on my WHAT?"]
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.
[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee? ]
Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
[Stand clear or you'll get pucked.]
America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
[3 very lonely men.]
98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]
When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]
In 1681, the last dodo bird died.
[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]
A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
[It's known as the Sanka clause.]
The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
[But he couldn't surf the Internet.]
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
[All ducks in Finland wear pants.]
The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
[Probably explains why banks have so many service charges.]
Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
[And if you connect them, they spell 'Dummy'.]
What color was Christopher Columbus's hair? Blonde.
[He was lost and wouldn't ask for directions; yep, a blonde male.]
In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
[Residents had to go to another country to make 900 calls.]
The most extras ever used in a movie was 300,000, for the film Gandhi, in 1981.
[Union regulations required each one be listed in the credits.]
Every person has a unique tongue print.
[But would you want someone to ink yours? ]
Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
[Even if you don't inhale.]
Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
[Even after death.]
When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit.
[Sales of fresh carrots jumped 46%.]
Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
[But very few dogs or cats carry photos of their owners.]
Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement."
[Coincidentally, this is also Rush Limbaugh's nickname. ]
Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
[His parents never bought him a night light.]
Bubble gum contains rubber.
[But should not be used as a condom.]
You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
[Dogs compensate by smelling really bad.]
In high school, Robin Williams was voted "Least Likely to Succeed."
[And most likely to grab himself.]
Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
[74% think Madonna is.]
The sound of E. T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jell-o.
[I may never eat Jell-o again! ]
The sex organ on a male spider is located at the end of one of its legs.
[A female spider has a 1 in 8 chance of getting pregnant.]
Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks.
[But it will hold a grudge much longer.]
Chicken soup was considered an aphrodisiac in the Middle Ages.
[Remember, when you're sick, Mother knows best.]
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
[And we all know what the F represents.]
The world population of chickens is about equal to the world population of people.
[Curb foul population, choke a chicken today.]
Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
[Brain freeze promotes creativity.]
In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
[25% of all Americans are bachel

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and more...

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The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had more...

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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," more...

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lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The more...

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The Barber Shop This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, more...

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