Average Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    City of New York, Borough of Bronx
    High School Math Proficiency Exam
    Name:____________________ Gang:_________________
    1. Darnel has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he shoots 13 times during each drive-by shooting and misses 6 out of 10 shots, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
    2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine, and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Little Mikey for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of cocaine if he does not cut it?
    3. Rufus is pimping 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
    4. Dino wants to cut his half-pound of heroin to make a 20% profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
    5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
    6. Raoul is in prison for 6 more...

    A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hello's and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Jewish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Running-Bear Goldberg, nice to meet you."

    The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland. He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives his mail with adhesive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England`s head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland. He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland, and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - more...

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    Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart.
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    Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time
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    Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains
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    Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet
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    The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent
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    To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe
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    Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures
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    The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'
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    Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of the day
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    The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night
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    40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals
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    Without any greenhouse effect, Earth would be cold more...

    * The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

    * Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

    * The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

    * Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

    * British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

    * Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

    * When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

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