Usually Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    (Age 22)
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates the finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover
    (Age 32)
    1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
    4. Listens more then he talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
    6. Can carry all the groceries wit hease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
    9. Remembers anniversaries
    10. Likes to be romantic at least once a week
    (Age 42)
    1. Not too ugly- Bald head OK
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion
    4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers the punch line of more...

    "Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal; but boys and girls are not born the same.
    1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
    2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your
    home to the church, even if you're driving there.
    3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
    4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
    5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they more...

    One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
    He
    went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first
    thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver
    was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
    "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
    license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away
    the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
    "It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few
    minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see yourregistration?"
    asked the cop.
    "Registration... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
    "It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
    After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
    "I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The
    officer more...

    In the olden days of the Legion Etrangere (French Foreign Legion), Lieutenant Lefevre was extremely happy to be posted near Bir Ounane, right in the middle it seems, of the desert.
    Boy howdy, did he enjoy the challenge of the elements, the demands for personal survival skills, the camaraderie of the other officers, etc! In fact, for four months, he enjoyed EVERYTHING!
    Around the beginning of his fifth month there, a steady ache in his groin reminded him that the hadn't had any female companionship and that it was time to put his johnson back to work. He confided one day in Sergeant LeBrun: "Sergeant, I've got a personal problem. I need a woman. What do the men do when they have this urge?"
    "Sir," responded Sergeant LeBrun, "there's no problem. They usually take the camel..."
    "Non, non, non. Jamais! Never! Never!" screamed the lieutenant. "I will not descend to such low conduct."
    Well, about two months later, he more...

    THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

    THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

    THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

    THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

    THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

    THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

    THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

  • Recent Activity