"24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain" joke

: 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain:

1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

4. What's another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do:' practice'?

6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

8. Where do forest rangers go to' get away from it all'?

9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

10. Why do they report power outages on TV?

11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

12. Is it possible to be totally partial?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?

20. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!
COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? more...

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Never squat with yer spurs on. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' more...

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Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?""Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured.""Well, how bad is it? Can I see?""Follow me, sir."They more...

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Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner or the workshop. Corollary: On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.

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Snow in Goa

by
Udayan

A Punjabi Bibi (wife) goes on Vacation to Goa. There she meets a Big Black Dravidian Man from Malabar. Overawed by his musculature, she invites him to her bed that night. By the next morning the Aryan Bibi has had the best sex of her entire life. Impressed, she asks him his more...

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