Warped Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    : 24 questions from George Carlin's warped brain:

    1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

    2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

    3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

    4. What's another word for synonym?

    5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do:' practice'?

    6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

    7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

    8. Where do forest rangers go to' get away from it all'?

    9. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

    10. Why do they report power outages on TV?

    11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

    12. Is it possible to be totally more...

    Tired of the overuse of four-letter words? Here's one solution:
    Give your friends, family, and fellow students (who are abusers) this
    Shakespearean Insult Kit to use as a suitable replacement when the
    mood arises.


    **********************************************************************

    THE OFFICIAL SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT
    To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from
    each of the three columns below, and preface it with' Thou':

    Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
    artless base-court apple-john
    bawdy bat-fowling baggage
    beslubbering beef-witted barnacle
    bootless beetle-headed bladder
    churlish boil-brained boar-pig
    cockered clapper-clawed bugbear
    clouted clay-brained bum-bailey
    craven common-kissing canker-blossom
    currish crook-pated clack-dish
    dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole
    dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb
    droning doghearted codpiece
    errant dread-bolted more...

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