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    A
    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

    Dr suess tonuge twister.
    See if you can do this read each
    sentence out loud!
    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is a cat
    This is dumbass cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is forty cat
    This is seconds cat.
    Now read only the the third line of each
    sentence!
    This is how to keep a dumbass
    busy for forty seconds.

    Mrs. Cohen, the buxom, sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
    When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a... well... unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."
    The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man - sigh - he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man... "
    The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
    "And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."
    "Yes yes!"
    "Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
    From: Rodney And Cathy's Joke List

    After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family.
    "But-where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.
    "Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard."
    "But at least you keep the Sabbath?"
    "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath."
    "But kosher food you still eat?"
    "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher."
    The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me-you're still circumcised?"

    A Sri Lankan is calmly having his breakfast when an American, typically chewing gum, sits down beside him. The Sri Lankan ignores the American who begins to chat:

    The American: Do you eat that bread-entirely?
    The Sri Lankan: Of course!
    The American: We do not. We only eat the inner part, the crust is put in a container, later processed, transformed into flour and then sold to Sri Lanka. The Sri Lankan says nothing.
    The American continues: Do you eat this jelly with the bread?
    The Sri Lankan repeats: Of course.
    The American: We do not. We eat our fresh fruits for breakfast; we keep all the peels and seeds in the containers. Later we process it, and transform it into jelly and then we sell it to Sri Lanka.

    The Sri Lankan asks: And what do you do with the condoms after you use them?
    The American: We throw them away, of course!
    The Sri Lankan: We do not. We keep them in containers, process them, transform them in to chewing gum and more...

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