Towards Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
    Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

    Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, goes by the nickname' Bibi'.

    His wife, in contrast to most Israeli' first ladies', takes a more activist role in her country's affairs.

    At some point in the ongoing peace process with the' Palestinians' there will be a fomal conference complete with state dinners. The press is dying be on hand to hear Mrs. Netanyahu lean towards Mr. Arafat and motioning towards her husband intone:

    'Yasir, that's my Bibi'

    Welcome to EBONICS 101Herein follow a few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar..."Damn- that shit is DOPE!"That is a wonderful concept/object/action."Can't FADE that."I am unable to comprehend or assimilate that concept at this time."Shante ain't havin' it."This is not something that Shante will allow to occur."Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats."Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music."YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?"JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity."What's up? Why you ALL UP in my shit!?!"Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs."She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existent at this time."Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN' STRAIGHT GAME to baby-doll, more...

    A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
    towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand!
    It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks
    around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
    Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
    Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
    Darth Vader: "No... I am your father!"
    Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
    Darth Vader: "Search your feelings... you know it to be true..."
    Luke: "No!"
    Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass
    droid of yours?"
    Luke: "Threepio?"
    Darth Vader: "Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old..."
    Luke: "No..."
    Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at more...

    Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a tenant for their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a
    nearby city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.
    Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."
    "That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin
    bath out in the yard and we bring it in to the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."
    "What about your husband?" asked the model.
    "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.
    "Good," said more...

  • Recent Activity