"The best high-priced call girl in the city" joke

A guy went to Las Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the door.
The guy opened it to find the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen.
Long blond hair, short red dress, and spiked heels.
She walked into the room.
The guy went to the bar and fixed two drinks; he gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"Now, down to business," he began, "how much for a hand job?"
The hooker said, "Honey, a hand job is $500.00"
"What, that's outrageous!" he said.
"Come over here," she said walking towards one of the windows, "see that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I own the last two stores on the end.
I was able to buy those stores with the money I saved from giving hand jobs.
I must be pretty damn good."
"All right, screw it, money is no object," our lonely friend replied.
A half hour after she's done, the guy is sitting on the couch revelling in ecstasy.
He gets up, goes to the bar and made two more drinks.
He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself.
"That was the best hand job I have ever had. How much for a blow job?"
She replied, "Honey, a blow job is $5,000."
"What, that's outrageous!" he exclaimed.
"Come over here," she said walking towards another one of the windows, "see that hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I saved from giving blow jobs. I must be pretty damn good."
"Oh, all right, screw it, money is no object," he said, giving her 5 grand.
An hour after she's done, the guy was laying on the couch, head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth.
He got up, barely able to stand, staggered over to the bar, mixed two more drinks, gave one to the hooker, and drank one himself.
"My god, that was the best blow job I have ever had, I've gotta know, how much for some pussy?"
The hooker looked at him and replied, "Honey, if I had a pussy, I would OWN this whole city!"

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock Knock.
Who's more...

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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

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Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
A: to get to the other side.
Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
A: to get his motorbike back!

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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