Best Jokes

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

A traveling salesman, in the middle of his two-week stint on the road, walks into a whore house. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it to the Madam of the house.
"Give me the WORST lay you have here." he says.
The Madam, looking confused, says, "But sir, for this kind of money, you can have one of my very BEST girls."
The salesman, not to be discouraged, says, "Please, I just want the WORST piece of ass in the house."
The Madam, now getting a bit upset replies, "Sir, for $300.00, you could get the best lay of your life."
Sheepishly the salesman says, "I don't want the best lay of my life. I'm not horny - I'm homesick!"

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back:

"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"She turned, smiled, and said, "Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago."He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?""Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of thepopular myths about sexuality." "Really," he said. "What myths arethose?""Well," she explained. "One popularmyth is that African American menare the most well endowed, when infact, it's the more...

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long more...