Player Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
    One Saturday night, as he was sitting in the saloon, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West in his day.
    The young cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition.
    "Could you possibly give me some tips?" he asked.
    The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
    "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.
    "Yep, sure will," said the old-timer.
    The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and more...

    It's 1880, the decade of gunslingers and gentlemen. This is a story of one such young man that wanted more than anything to be the fastest and most respected gunslinger in the west.The place was Dodge City, Kansas in the Sawdust Saloon. The young man walked into the Sawdust Saloon and, to his surprise, saw Wyatt Earp sitting at a table playing poker. The young man walked up to Wyatt and said, "Mr. Earp, I would like to be a gunslinger just like you. Could you give me some tips?"Wyatt put his cards down, looked up at the boy and said, "Son, I don't usually give out tips like this cause it could someday be detrimental to my health, but step back and let me take a look at you."The boy stepped back and Mr. Earp said, "You look good. You're wearing black, you've got two ivory handled guns with waxed holsters, and you look like a gunslinger. But what's more important, son, is: Can you shoot?"The young man, happy to show how good he was, quickly drew his pistol more...

    Never have lunch with a chess player - I did once; there was a checkered tablecloth, and it took him half an hour to pass me the salt.

    There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
    They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. They said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk.
    Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, “Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I’ll jump! ”

    One day Timmy came home from school very excited... "Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around' P'!" His mother said, "Very good, dear. That's because you're a bari player."
    The next day, Timmy was even more excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!"
    "Very good, dear," his mother replied. "That's because you're a bari player."
    On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. "Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I'm the tallest one in my class! Is that because I'm a bari player?"
    "No dear," she said. "That's because you're 27 years old."

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