Player Jokes / Recent Jokes
At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average in the exams.
Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, followed by one of his star players.
"You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't win this weekend without him!"
"I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at this college."
"What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded.
"I'll show you what I mean," the dean said. He turned to the basketball player and said, "Tell me, how much is six times seven?"
The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, "Thirty-one?"
The dean turned to the coach and said, "I rest my case."
"Oh, come on now," the coach said. "Why more...
Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.
Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.
Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.
Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.
Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.
Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.
Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.
Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.
Death: part of the innings in more...
One day Timmy came home from school very excited... "Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around' P'!" His mother said, "Very good, dear. That's because you're a bari player."
The next day, Timmy was even more excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!"
"Very good, dear," his mother replied. "That's because you're a bari player."
On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. "Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I'm the tallest one in my class! Is that because I'm a bari player?"
"No dear," she said. "That's because you're 27 years old."
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?
Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up."
Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.Q: How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos? A: They make great anchors! Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? A: They make good paddles.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: You can turn off a chainsaw.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle? A: You can tune a Harley.Q: What is the difference more...
Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."
This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions."
To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100. 00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing"
. At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is more...