Earth Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "Alright, everyone," St. Peter says, "You men, form two lines - one line for the men who dominated their women on earth, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women."
    They do as they are told. Peter looks up and sees that the line of men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long. In the line of men who dominated their women, there was only one man.
    Peter is mad. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. God created you in His image and you were all whipped by your mates. Only one of you has made God proud during your journey on earth. Learn from him!"
    Then, addressing the solitary man, Peter says, "Tell the rest how you managed to be the only one in this line."
    "I'm not sure," the man says. "My wife told me to stand here."

    And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark."
    And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
    The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah.
    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big more...

    * The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.

    * Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.

    * The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

    * Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

    * British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

    * Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

    * When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...

    Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark." Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened. "The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. "The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. "The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed more...

    I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
    1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
    2.Proper beer
    3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
    4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
    5.Union jack underpants.
    6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
    7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
    8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
    9.Ditto changing underwear
    10.Beats being Welsh.
    10a. Or Scottish

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
    1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
    2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
    3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
    4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
    5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
    6.You can more...

  • Recent Activity