Election Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This political joke is from the book "From Beirut to Jerusalem," by
    Thomas Friedman.
    A minister goes to the Syrian dictator Hafez Assad after a national election.
    Minister: I have excellent news, Mr. President! You won 98.6% of the
    vote in the election! Less than 2 percent of the people dissented!
    What more could you possibly want?
    Assad: Their names.

    The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

    In the photo to the right, the Obamas and Bidens wave to the Bushes as they leave DC and head back to Texas.
    Overheard on the helicopter: "Hey Laura - I took a bunch of towels."

    Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
    Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
    Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
    Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets a election.
    Q: What are steroids? A: more...

    In 5th grade we had a new kid in the class, Mei Chung, from China. The teacher explained he knew no English but was learning fast. She told us that he'd have trouble with the sound of the letter L and said he'd sound like he was saying the letter R. He was likeable and did okay. I was thinking of Mei Chung recently. Figured he must be an engineer, and I couldn't help but wonder how he spoke of Obama's election.

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