Vote Jokes

Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.
Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company's headache remedies appear on the sites.
News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: "The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic's new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on GetMusic.com (www.get-music.com)... "
Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.
And speaking of animals, The You're Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg's new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.
Our Say What? more...

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language."This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics."No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with all more...

"Please don't vote for me just because I look like an Osmond."

Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...

Can we count them with our nose? Can we count them with our toes? Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand? If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out.I will not let this vote count stand.I do not like them, AL GORE I am! Can we change these numbers here? Can we change them, calm my fears? What do you mean, Dubya has won? This is not fair, this is not fun.Let's count them upside down this time.Let's count until the state is mine.I will not let this vote count stand.I do not like it, AL GORE I am! I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit.You have not heard the last of it.I'll count the ballots one by one.And hold each one up to the sun.I'll count, recount, and count some more.You'll grow to hate this little chore.But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand.I do not like it, Al Gore I am! I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here.I've glued my desk chair to my rear.Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba, too, all telling me that I should sue.We find the Electoral more...