Vote Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Copied from Houston Chronicle Columnist, Jim Barlow.
    Department of Unusual Marketing: Johnson & Johnson has a continuing contract with a number of Web sites devoted to the stock market. When the stock market falls by at least 100 points, banner ads for the company's headache remedies appear on the sites.
    News Releases I Never Got Around to Finishing: "The recent U.S. presidential election left a number of people wondering if their vote really counts. But with GetMusic's new music video voting tool, Hot or Not, every vote matters. Launching today on ( "
    Job Title of the Month: A Build-A-Bear Workshop is a retail chain that allows customers to design their very own stuffed bear. Maxine Clark is Chief Executive Bear.
    And speaking of animals, The You're Probably Not Surprised Award to rapper Snoop Dogg's new venture, a porn video called Doggystyle. While the Dogg performs in the video, he keeps his clothes on.
    Our Say What? more...

    "Please don't vote for me just because I look like an Osmond."

    Every Chad down in Chadville liked voting a lot.
    But the Grinch, from North Chadville, most certainly did not!
    The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore.
    Now, please don't ask why. Could be Bush, could be Gore.
    It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
    It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush.
    But I think the real reason his trust was so shattered
    Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never mattered.
    Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals,
    The Grinch dreaded that day when Chads went to the polls.
    He just hated those speeches and negative ads,
    And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads.
    He just hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters,
    He just hated their gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters.
    He just hated their weather, even hated their hate.
    And he hated that they were a battleground state.
    "So they're making their choices," he snarled with a more...

    Can we count them with our nose? Can we count them with our toes? Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand? If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out.I will not let this vote count stand.I do not like them, AL GORE I am! Can we change these numbers here? Can we change them, calm my fears? What do you mean, Dubya has won? This is not fair, this is not fun.Let's count them upside down this time.Let's count until the state is mine.I will not let this vote count stand.I do not like it, AL GORE I am! I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit.You have not heard the last of it.I'll count the ballots one by one.And hold each one up to the sun.I'll count, recount, and count some more.You'll grow to hate this little chore.But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand.I do not like it, Al Gore I am! I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here.I've glued my desk chair to my rear.Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba, too, all telling me that I should sue.We find the Electoral more...

    "You know those shows where people can call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18 percent that say' I don't know'? It costs 90 cents to call up and vote--and they're voting' I don't know.'"

    "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone." (Into phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking

    "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about."

    Comedian Andy Rooney

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