Vote Jokes / Recent Jokes

Can we count them with our nose? Can we count them with our toes? Should we count them with a band? Should we count them all by hand? If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like them, AL GORE I am! Can we change these numbers here? Can we change them, calm my fears? What do you mean, Dubya has won? This is not fair, this is not fun. Let's count them upside down this time. Let's count until the state is mine. I will not let this vote count stand. I do not like it, AL GORE I am! I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit. You have not heard the last of it. I'll count the ballots one by one. And hold each one up to the sun. I'll count, recount, and count some more. You'll grow to hate this little chore. But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand. I do not like it, Al Gore I am! I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here. I've glued my desk chair to my rear. Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba, too, all telling me that I should sue. We find more...

FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.FLORIDA: We count more than you do.FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states.FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, Re-vote.FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again! FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311? FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount! FLORIDA: So nice, we let you vote twice.FLORIDA: We put the "duh" in Florida.FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us! FLORIDA: Once is never enough! FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes! FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think.FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count.FLORIDA: We're retired -no wait- we're retarded! more...

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language. The historic vote on Geekonics -- a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" -- came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language." This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics." No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with more...

Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, Vote Democratic." His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesnt cost me a nickel. I dont give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, Vote Democratic."

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language."This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics."No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with all more...

During the election campaign for the election of the American President, a campaigner from the Bush camp happened to meet his counterpart from the Clinton camp.

A conversation ensued, and expectedly, each began to boast of his methods of campaigning.

'Whenever we sit in a cab/ said the Bush supporter,' we give a few extra cents to the cabbie and ask him to vote for Bush.'

Not to be outwitted, the Clinton campaigners replied,' Whenever we take a ride in a cab, we too pay a few cents less to the cabbie, and then ask him to vote for Bush.'

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.
Bill says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.