"Men's Thoughts and Fears During Lovemaking" joke

*Kissing/Light Petting*
What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath-- ewwww!"

*Undressing*
What he hopes you're thinking: "My G-d, look at the size of that!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "My G-d, look at the size of that!"

*Foreplay/Oral Sex*
What he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours."
What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."

*Penetration*
What he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"

*Your Orgasm*
What he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!"
What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance."
What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"

*Post-coital Bliss*
What he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like."
What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."