"Conductor One Liners" joke

Hot 2 years ago

Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why? The conductor. Business before pleasure. Q: Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants? A: They've had so little use. Q: What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer? A: The sack. Q: What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? A: Not enough concrete. Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival? The good news: it crashed. The bad news: there were three empty seats on board. Q: What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads? A: Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet. Q: What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? A: There are some things a pig just isn't willing to do. Q: What is the ideal weight for a conductor? A: About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn. Q: Why is a conductor like a condom? A: It's safer with one, but more fun without. Q: What's the difference between God and a conductor? A: God knows He's not a conductor. Q: What's the definition of an assistant conductor? A mouse trying to become a rat. Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek? A: Some conductors actually read Greek. What do do with a horn player that can't play? Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist. What do you do if he can't do that? Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor. Q: What's the difference between an opera conductor and a baby? A: A baby sucks its fingers.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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Grumpy

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

My wife says I never listen... or something like that...

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