"Attorney Season and Bag Limits" joke
Any person with a valid state hunting and fishing license may harvest attorneys. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from all-terrain vehicles, helicopters, or aircraft. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of a BMW dealership.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, one hundred (100) dollar bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it: An attorney which demonstrates clear "rogue" behavior in public office is exempted from this restriction, unless said attorney occupies the office of President of the United States of America .
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a State Health Department inspection for AIDS, rabies, or vermin. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of enticing, entrapping, ensnaring, or harvesting attorneys.
Variant Daily/Seasonal Limit
Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2/4
Two-faced Tort Feasor 1/3
Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 4/7
Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only) 3/7
Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2/5
Honest Attorney Extinct (Sadly) Cut-throat 2/6
Weaseling Whiner 2/6
Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2/6
Silver-tongued Drug Defender $500 Bounty/No Limit
Ruby-slippered Civil Libertarian 7/22
Rogue Politico Open Season/No Limit
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