Vehicle Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Shotgun Constitution

    Hot 4 years ago

    Terminology:
    Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
    Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
    By Laws:
    Vehicle Ownership
    The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back more...

    A Realtor, driving his buyers around looking at houses, is suddenly pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the Realtor’s car door, and the Realtor says "Is there a problem officer?"
    The policeman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license please?"
    The driver responds, "I can’t give it to you – because I don`t have one..."
    "You don`t have one," asks the policeman?
    The Realtor responds, "I lost it 4 times for drunk driving..."
    The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration please?"
    "I am sorry, I can do that either," replies the Realtor, as the homebuyers in the back seat look stunned.
    The policeman says, "Why not?"
    "I stole this car," the Realtor responds, as the homebuyers in the back seat look shocked.
    The Officer says, "Stole it?"
    The Realtor says, "Yes I stole it, more...

    General Motors and Segway Inc. announced this week that they are working together to develop a two-wheeled, two seat, electric vehicle that is designed to be a fast, safe, inexpensive, and clean alternative to cars and trucks. General Motors is hoping that the vehicle is the beginning of reinventing the company to begin turning a profit and pay back the government loans that have been keeping the company afloat. There is no timetable for when the cars will become available, but the price has been set at $2 billion dollars each.

    Speeding

    Hot 6 years ago

    A driver is pulled over by a police man.
    Man: Is there a problem Officer?
    Officer: Sir, you were speeding.
    Man: Oh I see.
    Officer: Can I see your licence please?
    Man: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
    Officer: Don't have one?
    Man: Lost it 4 times for drink driving.
    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration
    papers please.
    Man: I can't do that.
    Officer: Why not?
    Man: I stole this car.
    Officer: Stole it?
    Man: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
    Officer: You what?
    Man: She's in the boot if you want to see.
    The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away
    to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5
    police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
    approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
    Officer2: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle
    please! The man steps out of his vehicle.
    Man: Is there a problem sir?
    Officer2: One of my officers told me that you more...

    Attorney Hunting Season

    Hot 5 years ago

    United States Attorney Season and Hunting Limits - 1300. 01 GENERAL:
    1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
    2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
    3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
    4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
    5. It shall be unlawful to shout “whiplash”, “ambulance”, or “free Perrier” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
    6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
    7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
    8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or more...

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