"Answering Machine" joke

My lover and I can't come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
Hello! You've reached Jim and Cathy. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Cathy likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you."
These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.
Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape!
Hello, this is Jack. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.
You have reached 555-6238. Why did you call?
This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
You have reached 234-1243. This is an answering machine. This is the new millennium. You know what to do.
Surprisingly, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway.
So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.
This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Tony's Pizza. It's not the beauty shop either, and no one named Pamela lives here. You can leave a message though.
Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Leave your message.