Tees Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is."Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground."What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger."Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman."They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger."Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and asks, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro again said, "Loft."
As they are walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up and asks the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same answer each time.
"What is loft?"
The pro said, "Lack of fu**ing talent."

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro replies, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and slices into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft?"
The pro replies, "Lack Of Fucking Talent."

jesus and an old man are playing golf. they come to the third hole a 521 yd par 5. jesus tees off and hits a 300 yd drive straight down the middle of the fairway. the old man tees off and drives the ball 426 yds into the water hazzard where a thrtle swims under the ball and carries it to the other side. a fish swims under the ball hits it with its nose and knocks it out of the water onto the oppisate edge of the hazzard. a squrriel picks up the ball and carries it to the edge of the green and drops it. just then a rabbit hops by and kicks the ball across the green; it stops on the edge of the cup an earth worm pokes its nose out and gently pushes the ball into the cup for a hole in one. jesus looks at the old man and says "ok dad stop showing off and lets play golf"

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya".

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin' em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant.

"Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything..."

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man with a long gray beard, in overalls were playing golf.
Moses tees off and his ball lands 5 inches from the hole. "Nice shot, Moses," says Jesus.
Next, Jesus tees off. His ball lands 2 inches from the hole. "Well, you were closer that I was," said Moses.
Next the old man tees off. As he is chewing on a piece of straw, he watches his ball head straight for the water hazard, where it is immediately swallowed by a fish. Just as the fish jumps up to swallow the ball, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish. As the eagle is flying away, a lightning bolt strikes him and he drops the fish. The fish lands about 10 inches from the hole and the ball pops out and rolls right into the hole.
Jesus looks back and says, "Nice shot, Dad."

Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.
They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green.
Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green.
Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap.
A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card. "Alright Dad, stop showing off"!