Scriptures Jokes

This is a joke from my pastor about the using the Scriptures out of context...
A man was looking into the Bible for some guidance. Not knowing where to look, he simply opened the Bible randomly and point his finger at a passage. Wherever his finger lands, he will take as advice.
Here's the first: "Judas went out and hanged himself". Not knowing what to make out of that, he tried again.
This time it is: "Go and do likewise." Completely baffled, he tried a third time.
"Whatever you are to do, do so quickly."

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pour over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent' Easy Reading' to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library.

The Angels come running in only to find the Pope huddled in his chair, crying to himself, and muttering,' An' R'! The scribes left out the' R'.'

A particularly concerned Angel takes him aside, offering comfort, and asks him what the problem is and what does he mean. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again,' It's the letter' R'. They left out the' R'. The word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!'