Pirate Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was this young pirate, and he walks in to this bar, and he has a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey what's that?"
and the pirate says, " I dunno, but Arrrrr! It's driving me nuts!"
On a pirate ship in the sea the watchman says
2 enemy ships ahead captain. then the captain says
ok, go get me my red shirt.
later after the enemy ships are gone the watchman asks
why did you want me to get your red shirt captain,
and he says so then if I die you wont be able to see the blood.
So the watchman goes ok that makes sense.
Then later the watchman says 20 enemy ships ahead captain and the captain says
ok, go get me my brown pants.
What was the pirate movie rated?
ARRRRRRR
School collection 31^
Is that school food spicy?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears!
Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree?
I’m stumped!
“It’s clear” said the teacher, “That you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse? ” “Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down! ”
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane?
Because when the cane goes ‘bam’ the child goes boo!
A pirate comes walking into a dockside tavern. He has a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, and a glass eye. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The curious young man sitting next to him asks the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg.
The pirate replies, "Well, I was standing on the deck of me ship one day and a wave washed me overboard, then a shark came along and bit me leg off."
The young man then asks, "Well then, how did you lose your hand?"
To this the pirate answered, "Many years ago, I was fighting the Brittish and one of the dastards cut me hand off! So I had to put this hook on me."
The young man then asked, "How did you get the glass eye?"
The pirate replies, "I was standing on the deck of me boat, and a bird crapped in me eye."
The young man, now completely confused says, "That's it? No fantastic story? A bird crapped in your eye and you lost it?"
The pirate says, "Well, more...
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his fly. As he walks up to the bar the bartender says, "Hey pal, you know you've got a steering wheel coming out of your fly?"
And the pirate says "R it's driving me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand.
The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in the question of how the pirate lost his leg.
The pirate says, "I fell overboard and a shark bit my leg off."
They talk more and the bartender asks how the pirate got the hook.
The pirate says, "We were boarded by enemy pirates and they cut off my hand before running away.
They talk some more and the bartender finally asks how the pirate got his eyepatch.
The pirate said, "A seagull crapped in my eye."
The bartender says, "Wow! You lost your eye to seagull poo in your eye?"
The pirate says, "Well no... it was my first day with the hook."
The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg." "Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!" The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?" "I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!" Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?" "One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!" The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?" "Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"