Hodja Jokes

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her."No problem," the Hodja grinned. "You can pay me later." She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
"Oh no, I can't, I'm fasting," she responded.
"Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!"
"Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives."
"Forget it!" shouted the Hodja. "If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"

One evening Hodja said to his wife: Tomorrow, if the weather is good, I will plough the field.& If it rains, I will gather firewood from the forest. Remember to say "God@ Willing," his wife reminded him. "Why?" said Hodja rather defiantly. "Either it will be sunny and I, will plough or it will rain.& & I have decided what to do in either case." The next day the sun was shining brightly.& Hodja set off to plow his field. On the way he met a group of soldiers. "Hey, old man, how do we get to the next village? Impatient to get to his work he lied, "Don`t ask me. I don`t know." The soldiers said, "Well let`s see if we can help you remember." And they started threatening him with their clubs. "Now I remember!" screeched Hodja. "Then take us there!" The village was far away.& On the way, it began to rain. By the time thev had arrived at their destination, Hodja was muddy, soaked and sore. Then he turned around and more...