Alligator Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
    After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
    The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
    So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
    Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both more...

    Blond Alligator Shoes

    Hot 4 years ago

    Young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted to > > take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way... but was > > very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for > > the highly prized shoes. > > > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of > > one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just > > go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a > > decent price!" > > > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, ya'll just > go and give it a try, why don'cha!" > > The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator. Later in the day, as the shop- keeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator more...

    Alligator Shoes

    Hot 6 years ago

    A young blonde was onvacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in theworst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blondeshouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...

    Alligator giving head

    Hot 5 years ago

    During halftime of an embarrasing game, Bill Parcels entered the locker room carrying a live alligator. Glaring at the players, he dropped his pants and the reptile clamped its jaws around his organ. After several minutes of this, Parcels poked the reptile in the eye and it released his penis and scuttled away.
    "Any of you wimps man enough to do that?" He bellowed
    After a moment, the new place kicker raised his hand, "I am coach, but please, don't poke me in the eye."

    Alligator Woes

    Hot 3 years ago

    Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
    "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
    "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
    "Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?"
    "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
    "Same here. How do you catch them?"
    "Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the s*** out of 'em, and eat'em!"
    "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the s*** out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."

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