Absence Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Absence

    Hot 2 years ago

    Mom: Why did you get a grade so low?
    Junior: Because of absence.
    Mom: Who, You?
    Junior: No, the kid who sits right next to me.

    To All Employees,
    The following company policies are effective immediately:-
    HOLIDAYS: Each employee is entitled to 104 holidays. These will be called Saturday and Sunday.
    SICK DAYS: A doctor's sick note will no longer be accepted as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
    SURGERY: Operations are banned. As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead relatives and friends. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your day's tasks are more...

    To: All Employees
    From: Personnel Department
    RE: ABSENTEEISM
    It has been brought to the attention of the Board that the attendance record of our company is a disgrace. It has now become necessary to revise some of our policies. The following changes take place immediately.
    SICKNESS: No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to get to the doctor you are able to come to work.
    DEATH: (Other than your own.) This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for the deceased, and we are sure that someone with a lesser number of obligations can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held late in the afternoon we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that you work is sufficiently ahead so that you won't inconvenience other employees by your absence.
    LEAVE OF ABSENCE (For an operation.) We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thought that you might more...

    To All Employees,
    The following company policies are effective immediately:-
    HOLIDAYS: Each employee is entitled to 104 holidays. These will be called Saturday and Sunday.
    SICK DAYS: A doctor's sick note will no longer be accepted as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
    SURGERY: Operations are banned. As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead relatives and friends. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your day's tasks are more...

    If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.

  • Recent Activity