3rd Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three Atheists were on an island and about to die. They all decided it was time to pray. 1st: I don't know how to pray. Don't know where to begin. 2nd: I don't know where to start either. 3rd: I've never done it either. The closest I've come to religion was living next door to a catholic church. The other two: You know the most, why don't you lead us. The 3rd bows his head, clasps his hands and says: B-4, I-22, N-17...

Three Sardars Who Work In The Same Office Notice That Their Boss Has Started Leaving Work Early Every Day. One Day They Decide That After He Leaves, They’ll Take Off Early, Too. After All, He Never Calls Or Comes Back, So How Will He Know? The 1st Sardar Is Thrilled To Get Home Early. He Does A Little Gardening, Watches A Movie And Then Goes To Bed Early. The 2nd Sardar Is Elevated To Be Able To Get In A Quick Workout At Her Health Club Before Meeting A Dinner Date. The 3rd Sardar Is Also Very Happy To Be Home Early, But As He Goes Upstairs He Hears Noises Coming From His Bedroom. He Quietly Opens The Door A Crack And Is Mortified To See His Wife In Bed With His Boss! Ever So Gently, He Closes The Door And Creeps Out Of His House. The Next Day, The Other Two Sardar Talk About Leaving Early Again, But When They Ask The 3rd Sardar If He Wants To Leave Early Also, He Exclaims, “No Way! Yesterday I Almost Got Caught! ”

Dear Sirs,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, more...

On the bottom 3 rungs of hell are: Richard Nixon, 3rd from the bottom; Ronald Reagan, 2nd from hell's lowest rung; and George W. Bush, who actually doesn't have a rung, because when you're at the very bottom, you don't need one.

So Smirk's a little peeved about this, so he asks Tricky Dick, "Hey, Nixon, how come you're 3rd from the bottom, I mean, with Watergate and all?"

Nixon replies "Well, Watergate certainly was a scandal, and I am not a crook, but nobody, I mean nobody can say that I didn't do my own thinking. Hell, I did everybody's thinking, the stupid shits!"

So George W. says, "Well if you say so, but how' bout you Ronnie, for sure you never did your own thinking, Hell, Nancy had to consult the Ouija board to find out if you should pick your nose or pick somebody for a cabinet post."

Ronnie Ray-gun replies, "Well fella, that may be true, but at least I was elected. With a majority. Twice."

This little boy goes to school to find that he has a substitute teacher. He sits down in his chair and the teacher comes back to him and ask's him what his name is. He replies, "My name's Bart, but my friends call me Fart and that really pisses me off." The teeacher says, "Now young man we don't use that kind of language in this school." Where do you live?" The little boy replies, "I live on 3rd street, but my friends call it turd street and that really pisses me off!" The teacher says, "That's it young man your going to have to go down to the principal's office."
he goes down to the principal's office and the pricipal is waiting for him. She's a pretty lady. She says, "You look like such an innocent child, what could you have done?" He says, "I don't know." She says, "Well, what's your name?" "My names Bart, but my friends call me Fart and that really pisses me off." She said, "That's it more...

Raju was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip one day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'd have lost at least 5 kilos."
When Raju returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 10 kilos. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" Raju nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping!"

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It dosen't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in. The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. You're the 3rd person to enter my bar and I'm going to name it after you. Okay, she says, my name is Jill. The owner looks her over and says, I like your legs so I'm going to name the bar' Jill's Legs' The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop askes him what he's doing. He answers, Waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a drink!