"You Might Be A Liberal If..." joke
You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
You've ever referred to someone as "my poor working class friend"
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to social security.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the AFL Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
You've ever referred to the moral fibre of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."
You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
You answer to "The Man."
You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You faxed the CIA and ASIO a list of "Commies in my Neighbourhood. "You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in the world.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to Parliament House are tax-deductable given it is in stamps or brown paper bags.
You came of age in the' 60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
You're afraid of the "liberal media."
You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
You've ever called education a luxury.
And now, for the final way you can tell if you really are a liberal: You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
Not enough votes...