"Worst Noise I Ever Heard" joke
A local newspaper was having a best and worst of everything competition. One of the categories was "Worst Noise," which elicited some incredible stories. People described noises such as collapsing houses, bones breaking, dogs yelping due to pain, etc. But the winning entry came from a guy who described what happened to him one night when he was sleeping with a woman he met at a bar.
They were making love in her bed, when all of a sudden her husband (who was supposed to be out of town on business) came crashing into the room and caught them in the act.
The guy said, "I couldn't think of what to do, so I jumped out the window in my nakedness. On my way out the window, her husband grabbed me by the balls. He had me hanging out the window by the balls, and the worst noise I've ever heard was him trying to open up his pocketknife with his teeth!"
Not enough votes...