Noise Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Latex Factory

    Hot 1 year ago

    A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

    At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise. "The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

    Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a "Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop" noise. "Wait a minute!" says the man taking the tour. "I understand what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop' every so often?" "Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says the guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom." "Well, that can't be good for the condoms!" "Yeah, but it's great for the baby-bottle nipple business!"

    New computer doctor

    Hot 1 year ago

    One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor".
    His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. It only costs $10.00."
    Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urine sample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer started to make a weird noise and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a small slip of paper printed. It said:
    You have tennis elbow.
    Soak your arm in warm water,
    avoid heavy labour,
    it will be better in two weeks.
    Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Pete began to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
    He mixed some tap water, a stool more...

    Three brothers

    Hot 5 years ago

    There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor.
    A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
    The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was.
    He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
    The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night.
    During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.
    The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl."
    Now, the more...

    Frog Noises

    Hot 5 years ago

    A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
    When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.
    "Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
    "What?" said his grandpa.
    "Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

    A Yankee fan, a Met fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together on the subway when the lights go out and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap.
    When the subway car's lights come back on, Pamela Anderson and the Met fan are sitting as if nothing happened, and the Yankee fan is holding his slapped face.
    The Yankee fan is thinking, "That Met fan must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
    Pamela is thinking, "That Yankee fan must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Met fan, and got slapped for it."
    And the Met fan is thinking, "This is great. The next time the subway car's lights go out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that @!#%!! Yankee fan again."

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