"Words From Washington Post, some new some old" joke

The Washington Post asked readers for alternate meanings for various words. Readers had these suggestions:

Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma (n.) a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent

Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Marionettes (n.) residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.) the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

The Washington Post also asked readers to alter a word by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are some recent items:

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Frisbatarianism: The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

And, best of all...

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.