""I need help!" --Angelina Jolie at 95 Pounds" joke

No, Girl. I need help. YOU need a milkshake.

But to help, I can show you how it's done--through my 12-step program,which can cure you within two weeks.

Breakfast 1: Mc’Donald’s bacon, egg & cheese
Breakfast 2: IHOP apple crepe
Mid-morning snack: Little Debbie’s brownies, 1 box
Lunch: Sonic burger w/fries & Oreo Fudge shake
Lunch 2: Cobb Salad, extra honey mustard dressing
Afternoon snack: Pringles Original + one can Planters cashews
Dinner 1: reuben, diet coke
Dinner 2: 2 Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas
Dinner 3: steak frite
Evening snack: cake w/skim milk
Midnight snack: burrito
Wake up at 3 a.m. for emergency Swiss rolls