Unemployment Jokes

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    Collecting Unemployment

    Hot 2 years ago

    Collecting Unemployment
    Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
    When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
    The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
    She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
    Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
    When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
    "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
    "What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

    One day, a painter found himself short of help and went to the unemployment office to hire someone for the day.
    When he arrived, they didn't have any painters available, but they did have a gynecologist there. He reluctantly took him along to help.
    A couple of weeks later, the painter returned to the unemployment office needing temporary help again. This time there were two painters, but instead he asked for the gynecologist again.
    The clerk asked, "Why do you want a gynecologist when we have two professional painters you can take right now?"
    He said, "Two weeks ago when I hired the gynecologist, we arrived at the house and it was locked with nobody home. But I'll be damned if that gynecologist didn't stick his hand through the mail slot and paint the whole house!"

    For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment.
    They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population.
    Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.

    Two men walk into their local unemployment office after both being laid-off. The first man approaches the counter and is greeted by a friendly staff member.
    "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please" he says."Not a problem sir," the teller asks "What was your last profession?""I made panty hose" he responds."Ok, the staffer says, "your check will be $300. Next!"The first man steps away from the counter eyeing his check. His friend steps up, "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please""Alright sir," the teller asks " and what was your last profession?""Diesel Fitter" he remarks."Right, that's a specialty occupation, your check will be $800"The first man overhears this and jumps in, "Hey! How come I get 300 stinkin' bucks and he gets 800"The teller say professionally "Sir, this man had a special skill""Special Skill my ass! I sew the two more...

    Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor."What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says,' Yep, diesel fitter.'"

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