Sven Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
    Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
    Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
    That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
    Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
    Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
    That night Olaf goes home but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is.
    The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows more...

    Sven and Olie

    Hot 1 year ago

    Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot.
    Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us."
    The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The Devil couldn't more...

    So Sven and Ole are walking home from the tavern late at night and they head down the railroad tracks, and Sven says, "This is the longest flight of stairs I ever climbed in my life." And Ole says, "Yeah, it`s not the stairs that bother me so much, it`s these low railings."

    Collecting Unemployment

    Hot 7 years ago

    Collecting Unemployment
    Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
    When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
    The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
    She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
    Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
    When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
    "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor," the clerk explained.
    "What skill?" Ole yelled. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, 'Ya, diesel fitter'!"

    One for my friend

    Hot 3 years ago

    Sven and Osmond are good friends.
    Each day, they get together after work and have a shot in a local bar.
    This is a tradition that goes on for some time.
    One day, Osmond says to Sven, "Sven, if I die before you, promise me that you will have a shot for me, each day."
    Sven considers this and agrees.
    Well, sure enough, Osmond dies, and sure enough, Sven has an extra shot for him every day after work.
    This goes on for some time, and the waitress is quite familiar with the ritual and the reason.
    One day, Sven comes in and orders one drink. Well, the waitress is shock, and says, "But, Sven, aren't you going to have another drink for your friend, as usual?"
    Sven says, "Well, you see, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't think that Osmond should be punished for that."

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