Sandals Jokes

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    COYOTE "vs" ACME

    Hot 1 year ago

    In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...

    Sexy Sandals

    Hot 6 years ago

    A newly married couple was on holiday in the Middle East and they came upon the main city bazaar. They walked around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

    From inside they heard a gentleman say "you foreigners? Come in my friends. Come into my humble shop. Salam aleekem!" (hello in English) So the couple walked in. The bazaar merchant says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."

    After hearing this statement, the wife became intrigued and encouraged her husband to try them on. Her husband smirked and winked at his wife, with the comment, "I don't think I really need them." But since they were having fun in the bazaar, he asked the merchant, "So, how could sandals make you into a sex animal.?"

    The merchant smiled and replied "Just try them on, my friend, trust me!" Well, in more...

    Rules For Sandals

    Hot 6 years ago

    IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN LADIES

    RULES TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE WEARING SANDALS

    Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:... As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when you wear sandals and other open toe shoes:

    I promise to always wear sandals that fit. that my toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will heels spill over the backs.

    And that the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

    I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up the big toe.

    I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

    I will shave the hairs off big toe.

    I will not wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

    If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck more...

    41. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
    A: Chicken's day off.
    42. Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
    A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.
    43. Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
    A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
    44. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
    A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
    45. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
    A: Elephino.
    46. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
    A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
    47. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
    A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
    48. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
    A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.
    49. Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
    A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.
    50. Q: Why are elephants feet shaped more...

    A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in.
    The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals 1 think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."
    Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
    The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his more...

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